1 Year | 365 Days | 52 Weeks | 12 Months | But who is counting?

 Here we are folks, no matter how you look at it it has been a year.  Perspective is everything and we just have to keep looking forward in life and progressing.  On the 28th of June I had my third surveillance appointment and my first CT since diagnosis.  As expected everything was good.  No sign of Metastasis, normal blood markers.  As far as Cancer goes we are doing as great as we can. 

It has only been 9 months since the last Chemo treatment.  What I can tell you is that my breathing is back to normal.  For several months I use to feel like I could never catch my breath.  But that has resolved itself. 

I continue to struggle with the Ringing in the Ears, it has just been a pain but the longer it goes on the less and less it bothers me.  It is always there if I just stop to listen for it.  

So for now we just keep looking forward and focusing on the future and putting this behind us.  I hope that i can continue to use this experience to bring awareness to others and help bring light to Men's Health in General.  There is nothing to be ashamed of or worried about when talking with your Healthcare Provider.  Just pay attention to your body and when you sense something is wrong investigate it. 

I am looking forward to another fantastic year and for moving to the next phase of Surveillance, which will start in T-365 Days

Count your Blessings

 Today I was given yet another reminder of how blessed I am.  Life is not fair and should not be taken for granted.  One of my interest is Real Estate.  I currently purchase rental properties as part of my retirement diversity.  The economics make sense and I love a good deal.  I get excited when I can stack a coupon at Best Buy and save $10 on something I really have zero use for.  I find it easy to spend $100 when I can get a good deal regardless if I need the product/service or not.  

I also find it really hard to spend more than $100 a times.  I should tell you about the time I bought my car.  I shopped for 9 months till I found what I wanted and I got one of those stupid deals because I searched it out.  I just ended up in a good situation and was in the right place and the right time looking for the right deal.  The other dealer told me "if you do not go buy it I will."  So even knowing how great of a deal it was, I still test drove the car 3 times, sat at the desk with the salesman, and lost 3 nights of sleep over a car.  I paid cash for the car and have no car payment.  But I found a great deal and even then I had a rough three days.  After about a week I was fine, but for that first week I had some buyers remorse, just because I had spent my hard earned money.  I can even remember a couple cars back asking if I could bring it back and get my old car the next day.  

I say all this to highlight that I love a good deal, and even then I can struggle when that money leaves my hand.  Dave Ramsey says that when you use cash it is more emotional than a credit card.  It is so true, I find that spending cash is more emotional and I spend less and keep more.   I think this is part of the reason our economy is where it is at today.   Speaking of money, you need to watch the Netflix series on Money as it relates to Student Loans.  If you didn't think they government was screwing you before watch that.  Spoiler Alert Presidential Administrations have been trying for decades to resolve this and they have only made it worse.  It's amazing to see how we got to where we are at, and the Obama Administration by far compounded our problem.  If they did forgive student loans the impact to the economy is significant.   I wish I could ask why Biden has not followed through on that.  Debtor is a servant to the lender and the US Dept of Education is the lender.  Just think about it.  

Watch the Netflix series, it comes from a more liberal point of view, but the facts are the facts, and I highly recommend it.  They even talk about how free education actually improves the GDP.  Crazy to think right, but the reality is the student loan debt in America is crazy, it is driven by For Profit Universities who graduate a very low percentage of students who use fancy marketing tactics to take advantage of individuals.  Personally I had $30K in Student Loans and Paid them off quick 10 years quick and paid back $60K.  So yeah if you can pay cash along the way do it.  

I always get so sidetracked in the post.  I could never be a writer because I do not stick to the topic.  Anyway, Real Estate can be fun and exciting.  Right now the market is beyond on fire.  Broke Dumb and Stupid are buying Real Estate as I say and something has to give.  We can get into that economic conversation later.  But one we need to have.  While I love a good deal I am too honest to be really successful in Real Estate.  There are a lot of Snake Oil Salesman out there.  They do dirty deals and simply take advantage of people.  It breaks my heart when people get taken advantage of.  In my opinion this should be considered fraudulent and should be criminal.  But as long as you are not a Real Estate Agent there is not much that can be done.  Simply stated people go out there and find people in desperate situations who are trying to navigate a complex scenario and use their largest asset, their house,  to solve the problem.  And when people get desperate they do stupid things.  

Today I went to look at a property.  The listing photos looked nice, and the location was great, and the price was reasonable.  Listing price was $145K they just bought it in February of this year for 20K less.  Once we got there to start looking at the property the owner was actually there, this rarely happens, and I learned why today.  First as I look at the property I see that I need to spend around 20K in the property to make it nice, worth living in at my standards.  I have high standards and others would have jumped at this.  The house is really worth more what they paid for it that what it is listed for.  That being said we are in an inflated market and he could get $155+ if he wanted it.   But the business person in me wanted to make a deal.  Then I started to talk to the owner.  He and his son, who was my age, bought the house just three month ago and they moved in.  He relocated from another state and they were going to live in this house as the father aged and just be happy.  

It sounded so nice, and then the owner told us that his son, who happen to also have my name, had a stroke two weeks ago and last week they removed him from life support.  Now he is in a position where he has to sell the house, he stood there and cried and so did I.  Such a sad story.  While I think that there is great potential in the property I just could not bring myself to try and make a deal.  This guy is in a bad spot, and needs every dollar he can get.  While I am a business person I am also a Human.  I almost want to buy it just so I can make sure he gets what he needs from it.  It just breaks my heart.  I thought I would buy it just so he could rent it from me and stay there, but he can not live independently which is why he and the son bought it to begin with.  

So as I try to lay here and go to sleep I can not help but count my blessings in life.  I am blessed I know it.  I am equally a hard worker and know the value of investing in yourself and others.  I can only hope that this guy gets a great deal out of his transaction.  It was a clear reminder that there is always someone, somewhere who has it worse off than you do.  Life it not as hard as we think.  

I started this post just to say, enjoy life because you never know what is coming your way.  Remember that we are all human and what goes around comes around.  Never forget that the other party in a situation is just that another party comprised of other Humans.  

"Start Kits"

Friends and Family still want to know how they can help support me.  I am asking that everyone do just 1 Random Act of Kindness this April.  Pay it Forward somehow and put a little positivity into our world.  So from this GoodMan go forward and DO GOOD.  

For those of us who work in Healthcare a "Start Kit" has a different meaning.  For my oncology nurses a "Start Kit" is all about the patient.  

When I started Chemo I got a Small Cooler with a hand written note of encouragement and some goodies that came to be important throughout my treatment.  Before you start Chemo you do everything you can to find out what to expect and it really is different for everyone. These Kits have things for both the patient and the care giver.  Honestly I watched Netflix and slept the majority of the time.  But it was nice to have the lotion, hand sanitizer, Chapstick, etc.  

I made some of these kits back around Christmas and took up there, they are all gone now.  So I want to make more.  

Each kit comes in a nice box and I put the following in:

• -Lotion
• -Hand Sanitizer
• -Coloring Book
• -Notepad
• -Snacks that they DON'T have at the Cancer Center
• -Playing Cards
• -Hard Candy
• -Chapstick
• -Color Pencils
• -Pencil Sharpener
• -Note of Encouragement
• -Letter about how awesome the nurses are there

Each kit cost me roughly $20.  I know that I appreciated it when I was going through treatment and I want to return the favor. If you want to help I created a wish list at Amazon you can shop from.

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1DR06YRJ6K0Z7?ref_=wl_share

But honestly I find that the bulk of this is at the Dollar Store and that is where I got most of the items last time.  If you and your family want to make hand written cards with words of encouragement that would be awesome.  

I have always loved serving others and giving back to my community.  All I ask this year is that you take the time to talk to your loved ones about the importance of knowing your body and speaking up when you think something is wrong.  And for everyone to do 1 random act of kindness in April, the dividends of that will last way past this month.  

Consciousness | Awareness Around April

Well Hello World !

It has been about 6 months since you have heard from me here.  I have hit the ground running to say the least.  Work is busy, very busy for me.  I have been working 10-12 hours a day 6 days a week.  I am pushing myself mentally and physically harder than I have in a long time.  Maybe it is so I can forget about the last 6 months of life for a moment.  

Once if the most interesting things I have done recently is to work in the community at the Mass Vaccination Clinic.  I hope that this is a once in a lifetime experience.  I worry the reality is this is just the first.  I have always enjoyed volunteering and working in the community around large events that make a difference.  I received my first vaccine on December 28th 2020 just after my first Quarterly Oncology Visit.  I have never looked back.  Getting Vaccinated is a personal decision, all I can do it encourage you to get it.  It is science and it works.  I had minimal side effects with the first Dose.  I did Moderna and had a sore arm.  The second dose was not too bad.  I got a fever for about 12 hours and it was gone as quick as it came.  I wanted to sleep the next day, but I was okay with that.  

 

I have also been doing tax returns on top of all of this. So that has been a regular stressful blast.  It is truly and love hate relationship.  

April is an important month for Testicular Cancer (TC).  It is Awareness Month.  So I want to do my part.  I am making boxes with T-Shirts, a little update and a bracelet and sending to those who supported me along the way.  

I asked everyone to post a add the hashtag #foulball to their post so be sure to look for them.  As I find them I will post them here. 

Here is a progress photo for your pleasure.  Yes I found 20 pounds laying around.  And yes my hair is long.  It is so so so soft.  Baby Soft and it is more gray and I do not want to cut it.  I am glad it is back and I know once I cut it that baby soft texture is GONE.  So I am holding out.  I did get the edges trimmed for a video at work so it has a regular texture now and is curly.  So I guess I will have to embrace the curls.  But I will NOT embrace this weight and will get on that ASAP.  

 

Visit the Testicular Awareness Foundations website for more ways on how to spread awareness.  

https://www.testicularcancerawarenessfoundation.org/

CELEBRATIONS | Finding Joy in the Journey

 As you navigate life there are certain points or milestones that we celebrate.  Birthdays, Anniversaries, Wedding, Engagements, Graduations even Funerals.  When you find out you have Cancer it changes to some extent the meanings of these.  The flip side of that coin are the new milestones you get to celebrate.  

For an update on me and where I am at.  The past two weeks have gone by well.  I am feeling like my old self again for the most part.  I am back to my pre-chemo weight, not super excited about that, but it is important.  Being about 10 pounds lighter was nice and so I am more motivated to get back to that weight the right and healthy way.  My hearing is still crap, I went to the doctor about it.  The hearing test is normal, meaning my ears work just fine.  The challenge apparently is my brain's ability to translate those signals.  This is just part of the "Chemo Brain"  they say that it should get better over time.  As for the ringing in my ears it is a coin toss.  Could be that the years of working with loud sirens has damaged the ears to some degree over my life and the chemo accelerated it.  Time will tell. 

For those who may end up with this "Tinnitus" one thing that has made a difference is to never be quiet.  I know it sounds odd to say, but the SILENCE IS DEAFENING!  So keep noise around you, I have found that at night keeping a sound machine on has helped with sleeping.  The audiologist said to keep changing it up.  Do not use the same noise setting for too long or your brain will get conditioned to it and it stops working.  Also remember to not focus on it, forget it and act like it is not there and you will tune it out.  

The other parts of my "Chemo Brain" are improving.  I can find that I can remember more and more.  It is funny to think about, when you do chemo it is like someone flipped the switch.  It was there and then it was not.  That goes for about anything, your hair, your hearing, your taste, your smell, your sensation etc.  Coming back however is different it takes time and it is incremental.  I think it is a little reminder to keep things in perspective.  I have not shaved in a good 6 weeks or better.  I love my soft smooth skin, if you don't remember what it is like to have silky smooth skin I apologize.  The last couple of days I have started to notice that my facial hair is growing back and that I have patches of hair growing back on my head.  So I feel confident that by Christmas we will have a good hairstyle to sport.   

Back to talking about Celebrations.  Cancer brings a whole new level of Celebrating.  The first big celebration is the day you complete your treatment.  It signals a milestone that you are one step closer to the rest of the journey.  One common celebratory tradition is the ringing of a bell.  You can find different explanations  that talk through why the bell became the tradition.  My favorite explanation is the reference to being in the ring fighting.  The rounds start and end with the ringing of the bell.  The winner is announced with the ringing of a bell.  I have said it before that the Wallace Cancer Institute a department of Novant Rowan, does NOT have a bell for patients to ring.  I still plan to fix this.  I am going to do all I can even raise the money for a bell.  It is the right thing to do.  

I was at my Aunt Karen's house with her family and made the comment that I would celebrate finishing Chemo with the acquiring of a four legged friend.  I even told my friend Amanda and her family.  There are lots of friends who need homes and I have never been someone who believes in paying for dogs.  I have always wanted to have a Doodle of some kind.  But I never wanted to pay for one.  I had resolved that coming the beginning of the year I would get one and I would take a lab bread from the pound.  Well because good things do happen to good people I was blessed to get what I have wanted.  

Meet BELLA 

Since there was no bell to ring her name is fitting.  She is part of my celebratory gift to myself.  I could not be more happy or grateful for all she has brought to my home.  She is mild mannered, well behaved and a great cuddler.  I owe the biggest thanks to my cousin's wife Carrie for being on her A game.  She called two weeks ago and asked, remember saying you were going to celebrate with a dog?  Did you still want a Goldendoodle?  I said yeah that is part of the plan, she followed with so what are you doing this evening?  Blood counts good enough to be out and about?  I said sure why what is up.  A prior co-worker of hers needed to rehome "MIA".  And it all worked out.  She has quickly adapted to her new home and her new name.  She is not quite a year old so we still have some puppy left in her.  But she is the best.  

She definitely brings Joy to my Journey.  One of my favorite things that Terah gave me was a tile that has the quote "Find Joy in the Journey".  She found the Joy in every situation and I am grateful for that example.  I love the tender mercy's in life that remind me of her example and of the love she showed.  

Each of us have moments in our life that are worth Celebrating.  Take the time to Celebrate and to find the Joy in the Journey.  It is only forward from here.  Do not take the small things for granted.  If you want to do something go for it.  Live life!!   

  

Charity | Sometimes it is about more than you, and Karma is real

Throughout this journey I have been amazed at the overwhelming love and support that I have received.  I also have been blow away by all the nice things that people have done for me.  I never imagined that I would be in this situation and I have been more than appreciative for the Charity others have shown.  I think I will remember that more than the treatment itself.  

Charity comes in all different forms.  And Charity can mean a variable of meanings.  I define it as the pure love of Christ.  It is doing the right thing, being kind to one another.  Helping someone cross the street, all things that a good Southern Lady would teach you.  It can mean different things to different people.  For most it is the act of giving.  I have never viewed Charity as someone of greater means giving to someone with lesser means.  I choose not to put it in the reference of a "Charity Case".   Rather I choose to frame it as being kind to one another.  At the end of the day we are all the same, we are all people just doing our best.  At some point in everyone's life you will be in need of Charity.  

For those looking for an update on my progress, I overall have felt 90% the past week.  And maybe 90% is my new 100%?  I have an appetite but don't want to eat, eating makes me feel sick if I eat too much, so I am still figuring that out.  I have gained some of my weight back, which in the end is the right thing.  I will lose it in a more healthy way soon enough.  I did get to visit with the ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) Doctor this week.  He removed a mole on my head that liked to bleed through most of Chemo.  While I was there I brought up the ringing in my ears and how annoying that has been.  How it causes me anxiety and is such a frustration.  He said unfortunately that is here to stay.  So I guess one of my battle wounds will be the continuous sound I hear.  Prayers and fingers crossed it goes away.  I think it has been one reason I don't sleep well anymore honestly.  He did recommend a white noise machine when I sleep, I gave it a try and I think it helped.  I need a couple nights to see how it goes.  

I also continue to struggle with staying focused.  When I am focused on something I have not noticed any problems.  But when I try to focus on several things, I will forget bits and pieces.  This is sometimes called "Chemo Brain" and I think it is getting better and better.  I have to remind myself that the effects of Chemo last well past the treatment and the cells have to rebuild themselves.  It has not even been a month yet and some of my research suggest as long as 40 days.  

Back to the topic of Charity.  As I have pondered on how I can show more Charity in my life, the concept of paying it forward continues to come to mind.  I would say as recent as 5 years ago I was a more Charitable person.  I was more active in service to other people, more active with non-profits and more involved in my community.  The only thing that has really changed is life.  I am still the same person and believe the same way I have always believed on the topic of Charity or service to others.  I just got busy and have not sought for or been given the same opportunities for service.  That needs to change for sure.  I still feel that I do show Charity for others but I am missing that service component.  The dedication and giving of my time to help others.  

So I am trying to pay forward all the kindness that has been shown me.  I am working on a couple "Boxes of Courage".  When I started Chemo on my first day I got a small cooler with a variety of items and a note from another cancer patient.  It was not much and it was fairly simple, but the meaning was powerful.  So I am going to take that and pay it forward by creating these boxes.  I plan to fill 5 gift boxes with items that I found to be helpful for me during my treatment and write a note of encouragement for the recipient.  I will give these boxes to the Cancer Institute to pass along to the next patients who start their journey.   You are all welcome to participate with me.  I welcome cards and notes of encouragement or items for the boxes.  I am going to put the basic things that are not too specific to the type of cancer and keep them general.  So mints, carmels, fragrance free lotion, hand sanitizer, thank you cards, puzzles, color books, playing cards etc.  I am also going to try to find some reusable cups that have the measurements on the side to help with tracking fluid intakes and reusable lids and straws.  And if I can find it a nice set of reusable plasticware.  

We all want the world to be a better place, and that starts with Charity.  While I am going to pay it forward more, I encourage you to do the same.  I have always loved to do a random act of kindness.  I don't want the recognition for it, and I don't want the praise. But I do believe that Karma exist in the world.  I think that doing good is rewarded in this life or the next.  I believe that if we are good people, generally good will surround us.  I joked with a friend of mine when I was telling her about getting cancer, that at some point in life I must not have helped an old lady cross the street.  And that Karma was giving me a kick in the balls for that.  While I don't support the idea that if you are only ever doing good that bad won't come you way. But I do suggest that when bad knocks on the door, there will be enough good around you to get you through it.  So the old adage that "what goes around comes around" holds some truth.  

Showing Charity does not have to be a grand gesture or one of significant monetary value or prestige.  Charity is made up of all the small and simple things we do.  Imagine if we were all a little nicer to one another.  Or showed a little more love to our neighbors.  Our world is divided more now than ever in my lifetime and were only going to get through this by showing a little more Charity.  That is on all parties to do.  If everyone just did the right thing, we would come out ahead on the other end.  But our inability to communicate and to listen has escalated our world to a new level.  

I was able to show Charity in two forms this week.  First my friend Amanda invited me over to make Halloween Decorations for her family to give to people.  She planned to simply just place them on others doorsteps.  It was simple, fun and we used all recycled materials.  Left over lumber, paint, ribbons etc.  It was really fun and enjoyable and I hope that those who got them felt a little more loved.  I brought home a couple.  

It was also Prime Day this week, and of course I bought a bunch of crap that I didn't really need.  But things I could find useful.  And when they are at a good deal you tend to buy them.  I am by no means the person who created this idea but I did put a basket of treats for the delivery team.  Speaking of why can Amazon not just deliver all my items on the same day ?  At one point I had three Amazon trucks in front of my house.  Some choose to take something and others did not.  Half of them were not even paying attention.  I even had one Amazon Driver stop on his way back up my street and get more.  Some realized I had a camera and others did not so that was a good laugh.  Pumpkin was a part of craft day with Amanda as well.  

I have always enjoyed Maya Angelou's work when it came to poetry.  It was so simple and real.  Her words had meaning and provoked thought.  She was very intelligent, she did move to North Carolina so that in itself says a lot.  I love North Carolina for those who have not figured that out.  One of her most famous quotes is about Charity.  I have included it here for those who may have never heard it or may not realize she is the author.  

 

So I want to ask that each of you take the next day, week or month and to work on showing others more Charity.  That includes strangers or people you don't know.  Were not as social as we were because Miss. Rona has put us in the corner, but we all have a neighbor, we all have that one person we know needs a little more support right now.  They might not even need anything, but you need the opportunity.  When was the last time you did service for someone else?  Do you remember?  Can you remember how it made you feel?  Maybe it is just picking up litter on the side of the road, or helping someone rake their leaves.  It could be pulling their trash can to the road for pickup.  Just love people a little more this week.  Smile behind your mask, call a co-worker you have not seen since March and ask them how they are doing.  If you want to take it a step further call that local non-profit and ask how you can help.  Buy the overpriced coffee at Starbucks for the person behind you in the drive through.  The Holidays are upon us and it is the time for giving and showing Charity.  I for one can't wait, the election should be over, and regardless of that 2020 will be over and hopefully 2021 has better Karma.  

Charity starts with you.   So ask yourself, how will you change the world today? 

CHANGE | A POWERFUL 6 LETTER WORD

This post is probably the one I have spent the most thinking about and writing.  So hopefully you will enjoy it as much as I did pondering and transcribing it.  And in my typical fashion I am confident what I want to say and what I say will miss a point in my mind. What I want to express is that this journey has forever changed me in more than just a physical way.  I am come out of the other side a better person overall and have a fresh new perspective on life.  

#1 - Sometimes bad things lead to good outcomes, it's all about perspective 
#2 - Just as we are the only ones who can prevent forest fires, we are the only ones who can control our future. 

#3 - Those who came before us figured out this life thing, take their advice it comes from a good place.
#4 - Take time to enjoy life, be in the NOW and don't dwell on the past.  Get off the train at the next stop from time to time.  Then get back on the train. 
#5 - You won't always win, and you won't always loose. Stay in the game!
#6 - Be a better you !

#7 - Put the phone down, visit with someone, have a conversation.  Or at least use the numbers and not the letters on the phone.
#8 - Someone, somewhere has it worse than you.  And in all situations you're still someone, somebody loves. 

This weekend I listened to a friend of mine talk about Change and what that meant in life.  There are over 100 people who read this and I don't know who all they are and I am not sure I know each of you.  But some of you will know of the friend of have referenced and have the same level of love and respect for her as I do.  She and her husband opened my eyes to the concept of who we really are as people.  I still hear them in my mind asking the question "Who are You?"  It's more than just our name or where we are from.  The question is like an onion, many layers.  Go back to the post "Here I Am" and you can learn more about what that question means.  And when we have hours to sit and discuss we can unpack each of those into deeper layers.  

But I want to focus on Change.  If nothing else the last 90 days of my life have focused and revolved around that word.  Just as a potter works with clay, or a blacksmith with iron, or a poet with words, it is all the same.  In school we learn about the Law of Conservation of Mass, which teaches us that Matter cannot be created or destroyed.  It simply just changes from one form to the next.  

I have Changed through this journey and have a greater appreciate for the NOW, for Friendships, Family, and Self Care.  I am a better me as a result.  I have chosen to not let this be a negative experience for me, but just a part of my life's journey.  

The Change I have experienced has been multifactorial and life altering.  I have experienced emotional pain and growth.  I have experienced Physical Change in several forms.  I wont complain about the 12 pounds I have lost, I sure hope someone else picks up that Matter because I am happy to see it leave.  I lost my hair, which will come back in a new style in the near future.  I have changed my overall life expectancy.  But most importantly this journey has change who I am.  I won't unpack it all here, but I do hope to provoke thought for each of you on really thinking about the the question "Who are You?".  

I have kept humor in the front of this journey.  I have always used humor to soften the blow or lighten the load where I could.  I mean Laughter is the best Medicine and if you can't laugh at yourself who can?  Too often I worry that we let life or our environment answer the question for us.  And that is okay if that is what makes you happy, but it is never good if you left your environment dictate who you will become.  Good or bad, right or wrong we are still the only ones who get to decide who and what we will be tomorrow.  We can not be a victim of our situation.  

My friend used the analogy of the game Shoots and Ladders for life and that sometimes we land on a space and are sent back to the beginning.  As kids this action was associated with defeat or the potential loss of the game.  Now from a theoretical and philosophical opinion there are Winners and Losers in life.  Not everyone gets a trophy, and life is not always fair.  If every patient is a COVID rule out, No Patient is a COVID rule out.  If you disagree that is certainly fine, but for me I find that you can't always win and when you loose you only work harder next time and you will eventually win.  But this topic is its own ball of wax. 

I have chosen to view this experience with more of a sports reference. #FOULBALL.  If you are not familiar with the reference I defer to google for your learning opportunity.  So in life sometimes we step up to the plate and life throws us a the perfect pitch and we hit a home run, sometimes we strike out and have to wait for our next turn.  From time to time life throws us a curveball and it is a swing and a miss, but on that rate occasion you swing, make contact and its a #FOULBALL.  

With a #FOULBALL you get another chance, you get to stand back at the plate and you get to swing again.  You didn't strike out, you didn't get on base, you simply get to go again.  For me this experience has been more than the curveball that life pitched me, or lefty trying to kill me.  It has been the opportunity to evaluate "Who I Am"! 

Since I still have no idea the 100+ people who tune in to read to my random thoughts or laugh and cry with me I feel I have to give you a little more background on some of my personality traits.  

First of all my Grandmother always told me 3 things growing up and still to this day she reminds me.

    #1 Always pay yourself.  Each paycheck you take a little bit and you pay yourself.  This becomes your rainy day fund and will help when you need it.  
    #2 Focus on your Education and then focus on the rest of life.  Education is the priority.  I think she witnessed on several occasions how focusing on life or the Jones's kept people from finishing their education.  Keep in mind that I am the second person in my family tree on her side that graduated college and the first to have a Master degree.  And on Dad's side I took first place in both categories.  
    #3 It is not about what you make, it is about what you spend.  

Now I also did not grow up in a family that had a lot of money and I quickly understood how the best train our of that was the Education train.  So when she said to focus on my education I heard that train pulling into the station to take me to financial freedom.  I always wanted my family to have a better financial foundation than we did.  I am not saying that I am rich, most people think I am.  But I just continue to remember to pay myself each paycheck, spend less than I make, and always remember the rain in coming.  I love Dave Ramsey and I am a firm believer that if you can't pay cash for it, chances are you don't need it.  

I share this to let you know that going down this path I stopped and reflected and concluded that I probably gave too much of my time to my work and not enough time to me.  I think that I got too focused on the next promotion or the next financial milestone to realize that I might have stayed on the train too long.  We have to get off at the next stop from time to time and then board the train to the next stop.   Folks, it is what it is and dwelling on the past for too long never gets you moving forward.  This post is about Change and what this experience has taught me.  And this is the biggest lesson that I think I have learned.  My perspective has changed and so my reality must also.  

Life is made up of more than your Career, your Salary, your Car, the House you live in, your social standing and for goodness sake the number of Instagram Followers you have.  Now I am not a social media addict and I don't even know how many "Facebook Friends", "Insta Followers" or "Twitter Birds" I have, because I have NEVER put any faith in any of that.  If anything I believe that Social Media has done nothing for our Social well being and has caused way more harm than any benefit to our lives.  

While we're on that topic, I can remember watching Wall-E years and years ago and thinking, folks this is as about as close as you can get to what our lives are becoming.   Folks take just a moment and really think about this picture from the movie.

And if you have not watched this movie, Disney Plus is free from about anyone, take the time and watch it.  Then think, "Who are You?"  

I also think I have spent a lot of my time focused on the future and where the train is going.  I worry that I have not spent enough time in the NOW, to appreciate my hard work and really just enjoy life.  I made life a series of patterns and steps.  And too one extent took life too serious.  Let me just say the train is going to the next station.  I like humor to cope, but what if I just enjoyed the here and now more?  We have to build the memories and the good days now, so in the future they were the "Good Ol' Days".  We have our whole lives ahead of us.  And the sad dark reality is that I have learned that the future looks a lot different between you and I.  We have no way of knowing how long this rollercoaster is, how big the pie is, or how much gas is left in the tank.  So I am going to start sharing my time with the Now and the Future.  There is a little less in my tank now and I have to enjoy it.  I am blessed that my Cancer diagnosis was not accompanied by a expiration date.  My war with this disease is not over but I have won this battle. 

I have also come to the reality that my friends are way more awesome than I thought they were.  You really never know who your real friends are till you need them.  So I have been amazed and how wonderful each of them have been.  I am going to be more Social, more engaged and more participatory in life.  And that does not involve a computer or mobile device.  It is verbal in person communication.  

I have always said I want to go here or I want to go there.  And I will create reasons why I can not go now and I will say next year, or next summer.  Well if 2020 didn't teach you about how quickly life can change, you might want to wake up and take a look outside.  The reality is this might be as good as it gets, so we have to learn to accept it and move on.  No need to live in fear or worry about the what ifs.  I can promise you if your not trick or treating this year, the what ifs will be and at some point they will knock on your door.  

I joined a support group for young people with cancer.  I will not be going back to the support group, I did not find it to be emotionally what I needed at this point in my life.  I am a firm believer that support groups and a good mental health professional make for a rounded person.  But you got to find the right group and right professional.  This particular group ws for people under 40 who are actively going through a cancer journey.  I found out really quick that cancer is far worse than what I have experienced.  The majority of those in the group have a terminal diagnosis.  That was way more than my emotional health could handle and my brain was screaming abort abort.  But what I did learn is that life is that someone else always has it worse.  

Each of us are going to be thrown a curve ball when we step up to the plate.  It is part of the strategy and it is just life.  And if you swing and hit a #FOULBALL, remember that you get another chance.  My curveball was Cancer.  And I hit a #FOULBALL, and I am getting another chance, it is not the third strike for me in this inning.  Your curveball could be the loss of a spouse, parent or child.  It could be a traumatic injury, the loss of your job, a stroke, heart attack or just about anything that doesn't go according to plan.  It could be the terrible "C" word that sucks.  But it's not the pitch that gets us, it is how we choose to respond to the pitch.  Some of you will hit it out of the park, others will be a swing and a miss.  You get to choose, you are in control and You Got This!  

I can't tell you if I am in the bottom of the 3rd or the Top of the 7th.  But I am still in the game and as long as I am in the game, I am going to step up to the plate wait for life to pitch the ball and swing.  Just like you I am not going to hit the ball every time and I might strike out, but until the game is over, we get another chance.