Getting back to normal

Tomorrow is October the 1st and here we go.  Tomorrow is the first day back at work officially.  I have been working off and on as I have felt like it, but it is time to get back to more normal life.  I feel generally well.  I still don't taste much more than salt, the hearing is still bad and I get tired.  But other than that I feel great.  

The taste will come back soon they say.  I think the most frustrating part is that my brain is craving a particular food and I want that food.  But when I eat it, it taste nothing like what I am craving.  Think of a big piece of cake and all you want is that cake.  And when you bite into it you taste nothing, not a thing.  So my brain is still give me the cake, but I eat the cake and there is no satisfaction.  So you could feed me about anything right now and I would never know if it was good or bad.  Soon enough I will be able to taste that cake and my brain will be satisfied.  It also makes COVID screening fun, yes I have lost my sense of taste, but we all know it is the Chemo not the Miss Rona.  I just say no given it is linked clearly to another issue.  

I am afraid that my hair is on its way out.  For the past two days my body hair has been disappearing.  Can't say that I am too upset about that.  I also have two smooth spots on my face, SO SMOOTH.  The hair on my chiny chin chin is gone gone gone.  Still holding strong on the top of my head, not even thinning out.  

I was talking with a friend today who asked the question was it as bad as you thought it was going to be?  Well to be honest, no it was not.  I prepared for much worse.  That is not to downplay the not so fun experience, but overall it was not as bad as I had feared.  

Monday I got dinner delivered by Carmen.  She brought lasagna, salad and her mom made homemade yeast rolls.  Carmen first made lasagna for me 10 years ago probably.  I think we have known each other that long, and every since I have never found anyone that makes it as good as she does.  So needless to say I was excited about getting it.  The texture was amazing and I have not forgotten how good it is so my brain had to feel in the blanks for my lack of taste.  

I also got a gift box from my Floyd Anesthesia Team.  I will have to do something nice for all of them.  They do such a good job there and again great people to work with.  

My dentist office sent me a nice box from Joshua Tree.  It included a succulent and a candle.  I would have never expected this much from them and they were great!  So a Plug for Smile Solutions Dental in Harrisburg.  

I can say that I think the biggest part of my success has been the mental positivity and humor I have surrounded myself with.  Also Brea, Tina and Susanne made each day manageable and were so supportive and patient.  So my advice for the next person who enters this journey is to have a positive attitude and take it one day at a time.  You eat the elephant one bite at a time and you will take this journey one day and one step at a time.  Do not rush it, it will all happen as it is suppose to happen.  Look to what you can control and remember YOU GOT THIS!  

Day 15 | Final Dose - Hitting the Home Run

And just like that the last dose is done!  And this Chemo journey has ended.  I mean I still have a week to get my blood counts up before we are really done.  But the journey itself is over.  Homerun!!!

Today was the Bleomycin again and the steroids, which were at my request.  I feel so much better with the steroids so they were nice enough to give them to me.   Just the regular dose of 4mg. White Blood Count is 3 so I am in the low stage they refer to as NDOIR I believe is what they said.  I am probably wrong with the letters, but it is totally expected and will last about 5 - 7 days.  The Chemo essentially kills the bone marrow and as a result the White Blood Cells die before they are recreated as my bone marrow heals and repairs itself.  It's a science literally and what we do.  So I just have to be careful to not get any form of infection cause the immune system is out of the office.  

Room #5 was already occupied today so I did not get the chance to finish where we started, but it was overall a short trip so I was totally okay with it.  So today was Room #3.  I also got the PICC Line removed as well so I will be able to take a bath in a couple days, and I plan to soak in my new soaker tub.  I started a bathroom remodel in June and it is almost finished so I got a new tub to try out.  

After my treatment today I had a group of people who came to support with me.  Close friends and family who were able to come.  I will go over each of them as we go through the pics today.  

First of all I have tried to keep an upbeat and positive attitude through all of this.  I cried enough, stressed enough and will have more stress and we worry about recurrence that I have decided to keep humor all around me.  I wore a shirt today to highlight our #foulball, and I made a witty sign to sport. 

So here is the larger group that were there: 

Call outs left to right:  Justin and Heather, both are Paramedics with me at EMS.  Heather and I have been there a long time together.  Random fact, but I worked with her when she was 10 Months pregnant with her first child. She was working with me her last day before delivery.  Oh the memories we have, we are part of the "old timers".  I miss the old timers so much, there are so few of us left.  The difference is the newer folks view it as a job.  We old timers viewed it as a calling and we ARE all a family.  Once your in the family you have people who share life with you till you are gone or are the last one standing.  I do not know how else to explain it, even when someone retires your still family.  The love and support I continue to get from those still in the family is priceless.  So thanks to Justin and Heather for coming today.  I got a nice message from Althea and Chris today who are also in the OT club.  Jennifer or as she will tell you My Favorite.  Jennifer and I have been friends for 10+ years.  She has by far been one of the most charitable people that I know.  She is one of those that is way more that just words,  you know Jennifer cares a lot about you because she will not only tell you but she will show you.  She drove an hour and a half from South Carolina to be there today.  We ate lunch at the house and played a quick game of cards before she left.  A true friend.  Leslie who you might recognize from the window pictures on day 2 or 3.  Leslie is also another gem.  She has been so much fun to have around the past 15 or so years.  We are normally super bowl party planners, as she was quick to remind me today that this year I apparently cheated on her and did not participate.  Mom is in the purple shift Cathy is up on the back.  She has been a great example for me, she is like a second momma to me.  She is my real estate agent, but we have just had a wonderful friendship for 20 years.  And I have learned a lot about work ethic and positivity from her.  Then ME the reason we are here for the day.  The cancer warrior !  Then Grandma Kluttz who has lived with or rather put up with me for the two weeks.  Matt the roommate, sidekick, go to, live in maid, great guy!  I have to say that having him live with me the past 7 or so months has been a Godsend.  I have grown more and more patient having him around and having someone around you when your in quarantine has been amazing.  PAM who was one of my college professors and advisors.  She is so loyal to her students and always will go out of her way to make sure the feel support well past college.  Leanna & Denise are friends I have met through my local pharmacy where they worked and we have just clicked and they have been a nice additional level of support through the process. Connie my aunt is at the end.  Dad's sister, Grandma Kluttz's daughter. 

Here is the mask free Photo, cause it is just a white count of 3 LOL.  Great job Justin and Heather for staying in check with protocol !!!!!!!!!!!!

Mollie my co-worker at ApolloMD.  She represented my work family with such excitement.  She has been the best.  She has been here almost a year and is a Solid investment for our team.  It is awesome when you get to go to work everyday and work with the best of the best!  Our success as a division is 100% team based and we all feel that way.  You know there are days where I don't really enjoy my job, and it is not always easy and the conversations are not always fun.  But I can tell you no matter how much the job itself is not fun the team make up for it 100 fold.  So at the end of the day the team makes it so worth it.  You forget about all the details at work and just really focus on the team and how we can help each out.  Remember the "old timers" and how we were family?  Well my ApolloMD team is a family 100%.  The love and support I have gotten for them has proven to me that I have the BEST JOB in the world.  I have the best leaders and mentors and peers, so I am going nowhere.  

Matt, the roomie.  He has been evicted through this process for my own protection but he will be back soon enough.  You have to forgive him he struggles with looking at things in front of him.  

The last of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lesslie who made it on time.  I told her to be there 30 minutes early, because you know I know you Leslie :)  

Jennifer

And there they are !!  My dream team chemo pushing cheerleaders.  Tina and Susanne, who I could not have done this without. They are the best of the best, the pick of the litter, the cream of the crop, the bakers dozen, the world's famous as good as it gets heros in this story.  They have been nothing but fantastic, spectacular and purpose driven.  They both say they have been doing this for 20+ years, but I didn't know they gave 10 year olds Nursing Licenses.  They have made it so easy to stay positive and keep up my with humor.  I could never do their job, emergency medicine we don't get to know our patients so when the bad happens its just part of the job.  They go through this journey with not only me but the thousands of others who have been in that chair.  So if you're looking for angels just stop by because here they are.  I would change nothing about the experience.  I am never doing this again so they will have to just take my gifts and quarterly visits.  If I could give anything to them it would be for every person they have impacted to applaud and stand for them as they retire in 30 years.  

So the Chemo inning is done.  So we will walk into the top of the 4th from here and the next 5 years we will line up and strike them out as I get clean reports and prove that this Cancer won't cause me the drama anymore.  

I will continue to keep you updated over the next couple week as I still have items I need to check of the list before we enter the next phase.  So do not go anywhere and stay around.  

Day 14 | The Final Countdown

Good Morning.  We are almost there.  Tomorrow will be the big day.  My last Chemo Treatment.  I never knew what I would be going through going into this journey.  Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a planner and my level of spontaneity is low.  I have always been one to calculate risk and analyze and think through all outcomes, both intended and unintended.  When you get a Cancer Diagnosis life becomes about the odds, the likelihood of it all.  Everything is about survival rate, mortality rate at 5 years, effectiveness of treatment.  And yes even the unintended consequences of treatment.  So you literally start playing the odds.  It is hard to wrap your mind around converting your life span to intended and unintended outcomes.  But as I have said before, we all have odds that affect our life span. 

My amazing co-worker Mollie brought me a basket of goodness yesterday.  I continue to be so appreciative of everyone and their efforts.  Allowing other to serve and show their support is so rewarding.  I plan to return the favor and pay it forward every opportunity that I get.  

Did you know that your ZIP code is a direct factor in your life span.  Crazy right?  Several years ago I took a year long class on Community Paramedicine.  I actually have a certificate as a Community Paramedic and am eligible to take a Certification Exam.  Bucket list item at this point, but I learned a lot about Social Disparities of Health and what really affect our overall health.  Little know fact but the Healthcare System, your doctors, hospitals, pharmacy etc., well that is on 20% of the overall equation.  

Here is a great infographic on the topic: 

I did not create that and the source is listed above.  But take a look at the top right, 50% can be traced back to your ZIP CODE!!!!!!

I spend a good 9 months really studying this and how to help navigate and manage it.  It will blow your mind.  

So how do we do Rowan County????  Well here is a copy from the Salisbury Post Article on the matter on July 15th of 2020.

So lets be honest, you can move less than 15 minutes in ANY direction and your changes of living longer Increase.  So statistically speaking, live in Rowan County and you will die younger than if you live in ANY of our surrounding counties.  Did that blow your mind?  As a point of reference we were 59th before 2020, so were going in the wrong direction.  You can learn more from the Health Department.  Here is a link for you who want to see the math: https://www.rowancountync.gov/DocumentCenter/View/22199/2019-Rowan-County-SOTCH-Report-PDF 

But folks this is just DATA, nothing more than data.  You will learn that we will never be a stealler number because we have a lot of social service resources in our communities, which naturally attract those needing the services.  Field of Dreams moment here, if you build it they will come.  Being a Paramedic you will quickly learn the large number of individuals who move to the area just for access to the VA and their services.  People move from other states, just to have access to the VA.  Build a big VA in Concord and you will see that 9th place drastically drop.  

I say all this to just highlight that while data and statistics are significant in our lives, our choices and our actions drive that data.  A part of going through this experience for me has been learning that sometimes we have to look past the data and just move forward.  

Going into this I wanted to know everything that I could to be prepared, to know what to experience.  I wanted the checklist that said Day 1 this will happen, Day 2 this will start.  A play by play of what my body would experience so I could be prepared.  I talked to other patients who had gone through this exact same diagnosis and treatment, and got different stories.  I did research and tried to learn as much as I could about the drugs.  I asked every question possible, and my journey has been different that anyone else's.  

Now, I recommend that you always talk to other survivors, active patients and healthcare professionals.  You need to understand what the potential will be.  But you have to also understand that when they tell you "everyone is different", it is 100% true.  Your journey will be different!  But the outcomes will be the same. This whole process has been manageable.  I prepared for the worst, hoped for the best and then took it day by day.  

And here we are Day 14, the day before we do it for the last time.  Tomorrow's treatment is an easy one and I will only continue to get better from here.  I slept great last night, I feel like a human being today and feel ready to take on tomorrow.  

Through this whole process I have not had the opportunity for close contact with others given our current pandemic.  So tomorrow I am hoping that I can get as many people as possible to come and join me for a picture as I finish my last Chemo Treatment!  I'll do my best to Social Distant and I won't be passing out hugs but I think it would be awesome to have everyone who has been cheering for me at a distance there to share this moment with me.  This is one such occasion that I personally have planned to never do again.  So if you read this and your free please come tomorrow (September 28th)  at 1230 to the Wallace Cancer Institute a department of Novant Rowan and join me!  

Day 13 | Saturday Mornings

Good Morning!  Welcome to day 13.  I can tell you that it looks very different than day 6 and even day 10.  Yesterday was an overall great day in my opinion.  It was the first day where I felt like an actual human.  I ended up working at my job for a full day.  I completely did not plan on doing that.  I got up at 7 after sleeping great and had breakfast, NO ANTI-EMETICS.  And I wanted to just catch up on my inbox and get it cleaned out, only because I felt good and wanted to do something different.  

Matt brought me Zakby's, as that's what I wanted to eat for lunch and I ate the entire meal, still NO ANTI-EMETICS.  So as you can tell yesterday as a normal day.  I did not do all that much physically but overall it was a great day.  I did not fall asleep till a little after 3am.  Literally could not go to sleep.  So I fully anticipate napping today.  I got up at 7 am as usual.  

I feel very similar to yesterday at this point.  Hearing is still crap, plenty of hearing loss and ringing in the ears.  And I have not mentioned it before but it is worth mentioning that my legs from the knee down at times will feel like someone else's legs.  They are not swollen and are not retaining fluid but they do feel as if I am carrying something with them.  The sensation is on the front of my legs not the back.  So I cant tell you what it is, but today that sensation is back.  

In general I am an early to bed early to rise person.   As they say early to be and early to rise makes a man Smart, Wealthier and Wise.  I don't really remember too many days where we slept late growing up.  I am sure it happened and I am sure I wanted it to happen more as a younger kid than it did, but Saturday was a day of work.  

I grew up in a home of divorced parents.  So weekends were shared and typically every other weekend was a different location.  The location generally drove what we did for the day.  And grandma's always meant no work and just play.  In any situation Saturday morning generally meant a hot breakfast.  No cereal or pop tart.  Pancakes, eggs, grits or Correll Park Bacon :).  A little fact about Correll Park Bacon, it really is just fried bologna, and oh so good.  

I have learned that Saturday Morning TV has not really changed in 30 years, Jack Hanna is still teaching me about the wild world of animals.  Cartoons start shortly after and then you get the news at noon.  One thing I can say is that I am not as big of a fan of TV as I once was.  There really isn't anything good on TV these days.  I have watched mostly the Netflix or Starz, Prime or other streaming application of the day.  While were on the topic of streaming services, I find it interesting that we broke away from cable tv and moved to streaming as a form of economics to save on the rapidly increasing cost of premium content.  Now I feel that we pay well more than that for the numerous individual services we have.  $17 for Netflix, $12 for Prime $9 for Starz, $11 for Hulu, and $20 for Philo.  And I am sure there is $5 going somewhere else.  

It just goes to show we will spend about $5 on anything and never think much about it.  

I think some of my best Saturday mornings were in my high school years.  Dad and I spent time to build a Cabin in the Woods from the ground up.  1 BR with a Loft, electric and a Kitchen.  We made an outhouse given the complexity of a bathroom, but overall everything else was there.  I can't remember much about putting the roof on, but the foundation, floors, walls, electrical and the finishing touches I can recall in detail.  This meant waking up at 6am, going to Stamey's BBQ and getting a sandwich and heading off to the building site.  We would spend till just after lunch on the assigned task for the day.  Moon Pie's and RC Cola were always involved and the radio station of choice was the Big Show with John Boy and Billy, followed by oldies.  

I think I enjoyed watching it go from nothing to a completed livable structure the most. I have never done anything to this scale again.  I don't know that I would even find pleasure in building a simple storage building.  In life we get the opportunity to build a lot of things from nothing.  To learn and to make memories.  In 10 years from now I will look back on this experience just like I think about the Cabin in the woods. 

There have been several times the past week where my brain explodes as I think "Nick you have Cancer".  I mean the reality of it all still doesn't seem to compute with me.  I guess I should not be surprised that I got cancer. I mean, I seem to have not had the most normal health status overall.  But who would have dreamed that at 36 years old I would get cancer, have surgery and complete the Chemotherapy for said Cancer.  In life each of us will have our "You have Cancer" moment.  You might not have Cancer, but something as significant will in reality happen.  The level or the degree of which it happens will be completely individualized.  So I am learning that life is more precious than we know.  We all need to take more time to enjoy our families, more time to enjoy life.  We have to stop waiting for retirement, or planning that vacation for next year.  We never know what is just around the corner.  I mean 2020 has been a dumpster fire, and it may never get better.  

Today is as good as it gets, so embrace it and live for today.  

I promised a PIC of PICC so here ya go:

Day 11 | SAY WHAT??!?!?!?!?!

Well today is the first day I am starting to feel more like a real person.  I actually think I ate a decent meal today TWICE!  So that is good news.  I joked today when I got to the Cancer Institute that I was in my Skinny Jeans.  Well folks the truth is I have not weight this much in 10 years or more!  I am only 237 pounds.  

My weight has been a yo yo the past several months.  At the beginning of the year I was almost 260 pounds.  It was a like BAMB in your face moment.  Luckily I have a great neighbor Sherry who I see walking every evening and I said it is time i join her.  So between walking with her and the My Fitness Pal App, I was able to drop down to 245. 

When it was discovered that Lefty was misbehaving I was 250.  The day of eviction I was down to 242.  Walking into Chemo on the first day I was right at 250.  That Wednesday I was 256? and today I was 237.  So it has been crazy to watch my body go up and down.  I would say that my baseline weight was 250 for this time period so overall I have lost 13 pounds, which is not too bad.  I imagine that it will come back up quickly given I ate today.  This week I have lived off applesauce cups and peaches mostly.  I eat a little bit a dinner, potatoes, mac and cheese or something simple, but the bulk of my means come in a 3 oz plastic cup.  

Nonetheless, today was a dressing change for Tommy, the PICC Line.  My last one.  He and I will be parting ways in 4 days.  I hope he has not gotten too comfortable.  I will say that if you ever get a PICC Line overall after the first day it starts feeling better and most days I do not even remember that I have it.  The sock that holds the ports to my arm remind me more than the line itself.  I have found that sleeping with it is not as bad as when we started and overall it is not a big deal.  I will be sure to get a good Pic of my PICC before we part ways.  So if you ever are considering or have to determine if it is worth it.  I will tell you YES, it is very much worth it.  I have not had to get stuck with a needle since I got it, I have not had to worry about an IV a Day.  My nurses love it and so do I.  I am worried about getting it taken out, but they assure me it is nothing and all will be fine.  Just unknown.  

The past several days the fatigue has been real.  I get up and think I feel great, I slept great and I am back.  That is at 0700.  At 0730 it takes all the energy I have to get back to the bed.  The brick wall that you hit is hard and it comes quickly.  I just lay around mostly, just lay there, play the Switch my coworkers got me.  Watch a lot of food TV shows, and just stare at the walls.  I don't really feel that I need to sleep I just don't have energy.  My concentration and mental capacity are crap still.  Still GI issues, mostly lower.  

I do however want to say that the most frustrating thing for me currently the ringing in my ears.  It gets louder and more intense everyday.  Everything sounds differently.  Some things are really loud and others I can not hear.  The TV is a challenge and conversations are interesting.  I can not concentrate and then I can't hear so its a regular comical skit these days.  I might have said it before, but here we go again.  The Platinum is a neurotoxin which has affected my hearing.  It is a normal and common issue, and one that at some point will correct itself.  I have talked to others who say it takes months and even now years later they still have some days where the ringing comes back.  So this is just part of the price I will pay.  I look forward to my hearing being normal again.  

The next physical change I will experience will be the hair loss so bring it on.   

Gift shoutouts!!  

Co-workers Nina, Sarah, Casey and Kimberly sent me some ice cream, boost and pudding.  

Co-worker Jen sent me some socks and a blanket 

The Cannon Ballers Staff sent me a signed baseball with encouragement and a T-Shirt 

Co-worker Mollie sent me some peach cups and a Switch game Minecraft.  

Catching up

It has been a couple of days since I have taken the chance to come here and update you on where we are at.  So I will try to cover the past 3 days. 

Overall we have finished the heavy stuff as it relates to the actual infusions.  What I have learned is that the effects come later.  So your body processes the chemo after the fact.  So each day seems to be a little worse and then a little better even given I am not getting the treatments daily.  

I now fully understand what people mean when they say it is hard to explain how you feel.  It is the oddest feeling I think I have ever experienced.  I know I have said it several times but your body is no longer your body.  Your skin does not feel like your skin, and your hands are there but they are not your own.  We will see how that changes over time.  

Saturday:

Not a bad day overall, I got up and ate and kinda felt mildly normal.  I slept for a while and I overall think that the fatigue was the hardest part.  Before leaving on Friday I got another dose of Emend and Aloxy which are long acting anti-emetics.  So I took the Zofran as if I needed it just to be safe.  

Sunday:

A strong tie for the worst day by far.  I woke up and was like man I am normal today.  I was in the mood for a pancake and tried to add some eggs.  I was able to eat both the Pancakes and the Eggs.  Overall eating is a task.  Nothing taste good.  Nothing sounds good and I can promise you that NOTHING smells good.  I feel like Pepe Le Pew and I can not get away from myself.  Once I start eating I just keep going till I feel like I have eaten what a normal adult should eat.  

So I cooked and ate breakfast and then the brick wall hit me.  Apparently I used all the energy allowed for a day in that 30 minutes.  I rapidly went down hill and could not seem to climb back out.  I felt horrible to say the least.  For some reason I keep thinking back to a radio show when people ask how are you feeling today.  My mind goes back to a radio show that my dad and I use to listen to when I was younger called "John Boy and Billy".  There was a particular segment they would do where they would act out calling and talking with a guy on random topics.  They would call him and say "How are you doin'" and he would always say "NAUGHT TOO GUD" in a very redneck way.  So when people say how are you feeling I think NOT TOO GOOD.  

I am more than grateful that this is a "One and Done" approach to treatment.  This means that we push through this treatment regimen and we should be done.  Statistically speaking the odds are high remember.  The alternative is a 3 Cycle Course which I am not sure how people get through that.  I think we all go through things differently and we process or handle things differently.  So this is my journey and I push hard.  There are plenty of others who have a much harder journey in the Chemo treatment.  I am grateful that this is something that overall I have been able to manage.  

So back to Sunday, I slept for most of the day, my symptoms were just general fatigue, nausea in waves, but the worst part was the tachycardia and the funny feeling in my chest.  The feeling felt very cardiac in nature to me.  And the feeling was certainly positional.  I found that if I could lay on my back I did the best with it.  Moving to my side seemed to aggravate it more and cause even more unrest in my chest.  

If it would not have been for COVID Exposure risk I think I would have gone to the ED.  But I remained afebrile and tried to hydrate as much as I could.  I drake as much as I could.  I am confident that I got a solid 70 oz in.  But apparently I could not keep up with the Lower GI Shuffle that plagues me daily. 

This pretty much sums up that debacle:

Sunday night I did not sleep that well.  My chest continues to do the tachycardia and I think my fear of what was going on added some anxiety to the mix.  

Monday: 
So we're back for Day 8 Dose 6.  I literally felt like a warm body with a pulse.  Just not my body.  The amount of energy that it took to get ready and to get to the Cancer Institute was way more than my body had.  Just going from the bed to the bathroom took all the energy I had.  The Nurse Practitioner was quick to come see me once I got there.  They only gave me a litter of fluid over the morning, which I would have settled for two or more.  I was not creating urine so we know I am dry dry dry.  Even given all the fluids I drank on Sunday I clearly was dry.  I looked so bad, and not like myself.  I was pale and mottled to some extent.   I would get tachy just walking and then get hot and diaphoretic.  Down 10 pounds overall.  

Nothing stops Chemo.  Even given the poor physical health I was in, we still get Chemo.  It sounds or rather feels counterintuitive to beat up a sick person, but the data shows that pushing through is the best and only real option that you have.  The Bleomycin is hard on the lungs and can cause a Pulmonary Embolism, or a blood clot in the lungs.  So that was their primary concern for me.  So I had to have a CT Angiogram.  

Okay a little point of disappointment, so for whatever reason, Novant Health didn't get the CT Scanner set up at the Cancer Institute.  I still have not figured that out, so it took a little coordination to go to the Hospital and have the CT done there.  A total hassle and wore me out.  Not patient centric for sure.  

At the end of the day we are where we anticipate me to be.  Labs are all over the place and the only one to note is a Sodium of 131.  And I don't have a blood clot,  I spent most of the rest of the day sleeping, and trying to stay hydrated.  

Chemo tip: Invest in plastic utensils.  And buy foods NOT in metal cans.  Plastic is key in this case.  You will taste every metallic taste possible and having things in plastic containers and to eat with makes it more manageable.  

Day 5 Dose 5 | Almost there

Today was the last does of the heavy duty chemo.  I can tell you that I am feeling it.  Overall everything is manageable.  I could not wait to get to the infusion center today.  I told them that the Zofran best be like the hot n now sign at Krispy Kreme.  The nausea and fatigue are legit.  I also am growing accustomed to the continuous ringing in my ears.  It is super frustrating, but I guess just part of the price you pay. 

I am really run down today and not feeling all that great.  So lots of rest, and lots of pushing through nausea.  But at the end of the day we will have finished the tough week and will be getting two days off.  

Day 4 Dose 4 | Reaching the summit

Today was the 4th dose of the Cisplatin and VP-16.  For now just 1 more dose to go which is tomorrow.  Chemo is cumulative so I don't know how the weekend will go or how bad it will be. 

I slept a lot yesterday and by far yesterday was the worse day.  I got to the Center this morning and was not feeling all that great.  Had a little emotional moment.  It can all just build up and needs to get out.  The feeling of Chemo is hard to explain.  At times I don't even believe that I am in my body.  It is really hard to explain, I can touch myself and it does not feel like my body.  

A friend of mine Stephanie was at the center today.  She had my room when she went through Chemo so Room #5 is the happening place for sure.  She said take care of my room and we spent some time just chatting about how back cancer sucks!  She agreed with the concept that at times you are not in your body, she brought it up so I was grateful that I was not crazy.  She has finished her Chemo and is wrapping up her Radiation treatments.  So she is supporting me in the photo today.  Yes we hugged, first hug in months for me.  It was a friendly reminder that we are never alone in this journey and yet again bad things happen to good people.  I first met Stephanie at the MOM clinic in Salisbury years ago.  It is a clinic that provides free dental care to those in needs.  We had a blast for the two days we served other people.  A true giver and a great example in life.  

I slept okay last night.  Symptoms are mostly lower GI and fatigue so far.  I was up 10 pounds when we weighted today so they are considering Lasix to help pull that off.  They also did a standard dose of the Decadron today which has helps fluid move, I have spent half the day in the bathroom.  

Symptoms have not really changed throughout the day.  I have had more energy today that yesterday, I do have a little feeling of Nausea but nothing major.  I can push through it fairly well.  I have some meds to take to help here at home and will stay ahead of it.  But I am wanting to eat.  I also can feel the fluid building back up.  

Leslie brought some potato soup, and it was so good.  Stephanie also recommended that we get some mexican chicken soup so that is on the list  And my dear friend Cathy is going to bring me a cake she baked.  I honestly feel like eating it all so I plan to do that.  

So let me just say that the soup hit the spot.  I had two bowls and I am keeping it down !!!!  

I will go for the cake a little later, I will use it for the night time pills.  

Metallic taste is starting to build up in my mouth so I anticipate that in the coming days that will increase.  I also can smell like no one else.  I can smell anything, I honestly think that I could give a bloodhound a strong run for their money.  

The best part of the day today was the visit from Amanda and Brady!  It was pouring down rain and they came to window shop.  It again made everyone in the Centers day to see people supporting patients.  I was surely the best sunshine in my day.  

I can not tell you how big of an impact it makes when people show their love and support.  It gives you extra energy to just push through.  It changes the whole experience and perspective.  I LOVE MY FRIENDS and can never be grateful enough for all they have done.  

My Co-Worker dropped off a gift from my North Carolina team and I was so out of it last night I laid it down and totally forgot about it.  Chemo brain is legit.  Well I just opened it today and they were awesome.  They got me a Nintendo Switch to keep me occupied.  They are the best.  I have felt so much love this week!  

I am not one who normally lets people give me things and I feel bad when people do nice things for me.  But I remember that people want to help and people want to support and part of being on the receiving end is to just receive.   Were one day closer and still pushing strong.  

Day 3 Dose 3 | Here she comes

Overall had a decent night, slept fairly well.  I took the Phenergan and the Baclofen before going to bed.  I slept for a good 6 hours uninterrupted.  I did have a slight wave of  nausea this morning but we got it under control.  

Today the overall feeling of Chemo is starting to show up.  I am really tired, swollen and just feel bad.  Right now I am managing it well.  It is just part of the journey and I will get through it.  Honestly a little worried how much more intense this will get.  I have slept the last two hours and I woke up and felt even more swollen.  They told me that would be normal.  I am not worried about it but I am taking it day by day.  Just got to get through it.  I will say that I find it harder to concentrate and focus.  Again told that is normal.  So I apologize if this is a little all over the place or doesn't make sense.  I wanted to get things posted for everyone.  

So today we just got the Cisplatin and VP-16 again. No steroids.  It was rough this morning getting started.  I did eat well when I got home and I am about to eat dinner, so far I am able to eat well and keep things down.  I am trying to stay hydrated but with all this fluid weight.  I am up 5 pounds which is all fluid.  They monitor this each day and will help pull off the fluid if we need to, I can say the first two days I had to go the bathroom twice an hour and that has slowed down a lot, remember the Cisplatin affects the kidneys.  

I got some visitors at the Cancer Institute today.  Leslie and her daughter Emily with her kids came by to show some love.  It was a highlight of the day.  The nurses loved it and so did the other patients who could see them.  

It said We Love You, You Got This and Hang N There.

My nurse today did not want her picture taken so it is just me for the daily update shot.  

I will continue to push forward and try to keep you all updated.  But I anticipate more short updates.  

So right now just fluid build up, fatigue and overall just feeling run down. And yes I am getting darker in my skin.   I got this.  So keep up the positive thoughts and vibes.  And please be patient with me, I have lost any patients I have.  Brea is back tomorrow, her 3rd day and my 4th, so I will be the more experienced one in the room :) .  

Day 2 Dose 2 | Heartburn and Hiccups

 I committed to writing something everyday so I will stand by my commitment.  I have always prided myself on sticking by what I say.  My actions AND my words.  So here is the update from Room #5 today.  

Not to be confused with Mombo #5.  

One Two Three Four Five, all the days I got to make it through.  
There is a ride going on and there is a drug store around the corner.  
They nurses say I need more Chemo but I don't wanna.
Last week was not as check, I must say cause talk is cheep.  
My nurses are Brea, Tina, Sandy and Tammy.
And as we continue I only get sweeter. 
So what can I do? I always say a prayer, my lord

So lets set it to the trumpet

A little bit of Zofran in my life
A little bit of Saline by my side
A little bit of Time is all I need
A little bit of Tina is what I see
A little bit of Relief in the sun
A little bit of Phenergan all night long
A little bit of Chemo, here I am
A little bit of surgery yet still a man.

So that was totally random and I might delete later.  

So the title says it all.  The Heartburn and Hiccups were from taking all that Decadron which is a steroid.  For you non-clinical people that is a LOT of Steroid.  And it causes the heartburn and the hiccups.  They reduced my daily dose down to 4 MG today, a normal dose.  And almost instantly the heartburn hit and the hiccups hit hard.  It got to the point where every hiccup came with a little acid from the stomach.  So they gave my some Pepcid, and some Baclofin for the hiccups and some phenergan to try and help relax everything.  Well that is a lot of medications that can make you drowsy.  So I have been fighting that all day.  I did nap for an hour in the infusion center.  But I have been fighting it the rest of the day so I could work.  And also so I can sleep tonight.  I need to try and keep some form of a sleep schedule. 

So to sum up this morning, rough.  But I told them that if this is what I need to endure then it is what I will endure.  I can manage and tolerate all of the hiccups and heartburn for the next week.  But they still want to remove the steroids all together.  I am going to try to convince them to start back Thursday.  We will see.  

Also special thanks to Denise from the pharmacy in Rockwell for helping today with navigating the Baclofin.  They did not have it at the Cancer Institute and she was on the spot with trying to get my some from the pharmacy, but they called the hospital pharmacy and got me some.  So special thanks to her for helping.  

Same nurse that I had yesterday Brea, she is great!  They all are great.  The whole process has been a good experience.  I can not really ask for better care or a better experience from a clinical perspective.  

Today Amanda and Brady came to see me and try to show their support.  I did not pay attention to her text messages because I got a lot of message this morning from work and I was not in a position to respond.  So I missed them.  She will call next time, she promises.  They were going to visit me through the window.  I can not wait for them to come back.  I honestly was looking forward to that all day and was so sad I missed it.  

So I encourage anyone who wants to come support me through the window to come on, we will make it happen somehow.  Just call me because the work text can be overwhelming for me.  

Here is the picture from Day 1, I did not want to post it till I got permission, but here is the rockstar nurses taking care of me.  Brea and Tina.  They are supported by an amazing Nurse Practitioner who is awesome!

Otherwise I am feeling in great spirits, and do not have much to complain about.  I do worry my hair will be thin and I am going to miss my thick hair.  But it is just part of the journey.  I should start feeling the chemo effect tomorrow with the hardest day coming this weekend for about a 4 day period.  Bring it on!  

I just ask for patience from everyone.  I am taking this one day at a time and my patience I am finding is thin, probably all the drugs. 

So tomorrow it starts getting real so keep the positive vibes and support coming.  

Day 1 Dose 1

Well I DID IT.  Survived Day 1 and Dose 1.  It has been a good day overall.  I slept well last night and was not overly anxious.  I did have some dreams about it but felt that I slept much better than I did the night before surgery.  

There are a lot of FIRST today.  Overall it is a new infusion center here at the Wallace Cancer Institute a department of Novant Health Rowan.  I still laugh when they say all that.  I mean really, come on just sick with Cancer Institute of Novant Cancer Institute.  So it is my FIRST day of Chemo and it is my nurses FIRST day here at this infusion center.  She has previously been working at Novant Health Presbyterians Infusion Center in Downtown Charlotte for almost 2 years.  She lives locally and transferred here.   So in typical Nick fashion I have given her a hard time today.  I think I have said don't worry it is my first day as well or be patient it is her first day at every chance I could get.  

Overall it has not been bad.  So here was the play by play.  

0910 1000cc Normal Saline

0932 16MG Zofran 

         12MG Decadron

         150MG Emend

1100 today we did the first Chemo Drug 30 Units of Bleomycin 

1120 49 MG Cisplatin 

1230 246MG VP-16 

I can not tell you if it was the Bleo or the Platin that caused the effects today but shortly after the Platin started I got the over production of saliva in my mouth.  I was not nauseated or anything else.  About 15 minutes later I got a hint of a bad taste in my mouth but for the most part that has gotten better.   

Medications were called in and picked up and I will end the day around 3:00 pm with another 500cc of Normal Saline.  Tommy did good today and I can say so far the PICC Line has been worth it.  

The nurses here are great, they are caring and patient and I have enjoyed them.  My Primary Nurse has been Brea and my Back up has been Tina.  

Just shortly before I had to leave they had to call EMS for another patient and I joked with her that if she put me to work today my visit was free.  She laughed.  

So how do I feel.  Well I left there around 2:30pm  And around 3:30pm I started getting heartburn.  So for now I just have horrible heartburn.  I am hoping that this is the worst that will get because I can manage it for the moment.  I will tell them about it in the morning and see if I can take something for it.  I also hope it is not a heart issue acting like heartburn.  I don't want to over play or under play what is going on.  So more to come on all of that.  

But day 1 is down and were onto day 2.  I am going to try to relax the rest of the day.  I have worked my full 8 hours at my regular job and that was intense to me.  So I wanna relax and get ready to do it all over again.  Fingers crossed on the heartburn.  Special thanks to everyone who has called and texted.  Keep them coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Full Disclosure I did not proof read this post before I published it.  My patience is gone for the day.  

I am No Pioneer

So tomorrow is the big day!  Day #1 of Chemo and the first dose.  Several people have called and asked me how I am feeling today.  Well I don't know that I have the words to explain how I am feeling.  Honestly I think I was more nervous or anxious about the surgery.  Maybe I should be way more nervous or anxious about this.  It certainly does have more associated risk and unintended consequences.  But I feel ready or prepared to get through the next three weeks.  

I am staying focused and planning to work as much as I can.  I am choosing to be more positive than I have been in the past.  I just gotta get through it.  And that I will.  As I have thought more about this the thought has come to mind that "I am no Pioneer".  There have been thousands of people who have survive this treatment, many of those multiple cycles of the treatment.  There are hundreds of thousands who have had these drugs before for other reasons.  In fact this treatment has been the same for over 20 years.  That is a really good track record. 

I think the biggest fear we have in life is the fear of the unknown.  I am a very calculated person and a someone that likes to plan.  I have never been a spontaneous person.  We all cope with the fear of the unknown in different ways.  I would not have to worry or fear of what is to come if I had a defined road map with specifics, dates and times things would happen, a list of the symptoms and the experiences accounted for day by day.  But that will not exist for me.  It will not exist for anyone going down this journey.  If you ask someone what is going to happen the response is not as definitive and is in generalities.  Everyone responds differently they say.  We know I am going to be nauseated, fatigued, bald and unable to sleep.  The degree of each and the duration is the outstanding question.  In this situation there is only one way to find out.  

Since 2002 I have been working in EMS and have been a Paramedic since 2004.  When I first started this job there came with it a degree of anxiety.  The fear of the unknown was very real as I started.  I was put in a situation where I needed to rely on my training and what little experience I had from my clinical rotations.  The one thing I do like about being a Paramedic is that no two days are alike.  You will never go to work and do the exact same shift.  Your calls will be different, your patients will have different complaints and your partner will be different.  

But over time you learn that a Chest Pain Patient is a Chest Pain Patient,  A Trauma Patient is just a Trauma Patient.  The unknown becomes the known overtime and your anxiety and comfort levels change.  At the end of the day my experiences build upon each prior experience and I get a little better with each patient.  

I am going to view this experience very similarly.  I have been nauseated before, I have been fatigued before, and I have not slept before.  The only new in this process is going to be losing my hair.  I am going to view it as a week of learning and adjusting.  I will take each day as it comes and push through.  Others have gone through this and I will just be another one who pushes through it.  

We Are Our Actions Not Our Words.

So first and foremost I want to give the disclaimer that I do not want people to take the title of this to be literal to the extent that I need your actions to believe your words.  The purpose of this post is to simply talk through how expression is a powerful communication medium.  

Today I got two care packages in the mail.  A nice blanket from a co-worker and a box of pudding and jello from a close friend.  It has been nice getting packages I will not lie.  Having others show their love and support has been a true blessing.  I have gotten cards and messages as well.  I love getting cards.  It show commitment and intent.  It takes more coordination, energy and effort to write and mail someone a card.  Packages are just an added bonus.  They certainly brighten up my day.  

One of my phrases I have said throughout my adult like has been "We are our actions not our words".  Life is about commitments in general and our ability to keep them.  Education, employment, marriages, mortgages and friendships are just a few examples.  The better our commitment and effort the better the outcomes of these relationships.  Talk can be cheap to some extent, how many of you know someone who will say they are going to do something and they never do it?  So I have always been of the school of thought where actions speak louder than words.  So when you want to be successful in a relationship, put in the effort and show your commitment through actions.  

Now, the expression of words in itself is a action.  One that I still have to master or work on.  I have never been good at expression of my words or my emotions through words.  I would rather show you my love through acts of kindness.  It is my chosen method for communicating my feelings.  So when I receive an act of kindness I value it the most.  

The next two weeks are going to be up and down and a real challenge but I look forward to the support and the love that I will receive and feel.  But someone else you know is going through a hard time as well.  Do something nice for someone this week, lets your actions speak louder than your words.  Remember that were all just doing the best we can in life and we never know what another person is going through.  So just stop and listen.  

I am not looking forward to the next three weeks, but I am look forward to October and being able to put this all behind me.  I need your prayers and your love and support.  And keep your positive vibes coming!!!  I sure do need them.  

Ready to ROCK THIS!!

Positivity goes a LONG way everyone keeps saying.  I got to do my Chemo Teach today at the Wallace Cancer Institute a part of Novant Health Rowan.  And yes they answer the phone that way every time.   I find it humorous.  

Well I have to say that the experience today learning about the Toxins they will put into my body was overall positive.  Learning of all the risk sucked.  There are plenty of risk and unintended consequences.  But you have to just do it and push through it.  The risk were scary and not anything anyone wants to think through.  By risk I mean the longer term effects of the Chemotherapy.  But in life you just have to roll with the punches.  I will stay positive, increase my faith and push through it.  

But back to today and the experience of the Chemo Teach.  The basic idea is that they Teach you all about the Chemo regimen to give you all the necessary details for you to consent to the treatment.  It is a very informative and a detailed process.  You spend about an hour with the Nurse Practitioner who tells you about the obvious facts, gives you the printed documents from Chemocare and then talk about what her experience as an Oncology NP has been and what she has seen in patients.  I felt very positive as I went through it.  

It should be noted that this practice has recently joined the Novant Health umbrella.  Until about 3 weeks ago they were their own independent group.  The Wallace Cancer Institute was only opened in Mid August so everything is still new and fresh and the latest and greatest.  So if there was a good time to get cancer I would guess having a state of the art Cancer Institute is a good time.  

I left feeling positive upbeat and ready to take on the process.  But as I have processed the long term risk of the VP-16 I have been not so happy tonight.  Kinda depressed over it all and second guessing my decision to go through with it.  But at the end of the day were just rolling the dice, we roll the dice every morning we get up to some degree.  With Cancer your risk are just more defined.  Who sits around and thinks about the risk of a Stroke or a Heart Attack.  Most people are not thinking about those risk the same way a Cancer patient things about their prognosis and associate risk.  And I don't blame them it is TOO depressing.  

While I was there I got my labs done in preparation for Monday.  They got to use "Tommy" my PICC Line.  My friend Amanda decided my PICC Line should be named Tommy, she got me a bag to carry back and forth to the Infusion Center that has Tommy on it, for Tommy Hilfiger.  So we are calling him Tommy.  So we put him to work today and he did his job.  It was weird to have blood just pulled from a port on your arm.  I guess until you experience it is hard to explain.  Also the nurse thought it was cool to see the lipid in the blood, I was like UMMM no, time for a new diet so I am going to get on that.   

I heard all day stay positive it will make all the difference, so I am doing my best to STAY POSITIVE.  You can help me stay positive by keeping in contact and reaching out.  Overall I am Positive most of the day, but there are times when it all hits you in a big wave of emotions.  But remember I am going to be fine, this is just part of my journey and it WON'T end here.  This form of Cancer is curable for the most part so my prognosis is Great!  There are plenty of other people who don't have the same prognosis who are in a different boat than me.  The journey however still sucks and I want every to know that we need to focus on what is really important in life and what matters.  If nothing else this experience has put things into perspective for me.  And folks there are SO MANY things that we give way too much credit to and worry about.  Life is too short to get wrapped up in the little things.  

That being said I imagined I would be married by now with Kids doing the carpool and "normal" parenting stuff.   So need to move that up the priority list ASAP.  I need to focus on that, I have realized that being single SUCKs even more when you have Cancer.  

What did I learn today about the experience outside of the risk of the toxins? 

1) I will be given a lot of steroids, so sleep is going to be hard.  Decadron is the drug of choice. 

2) I will be given a lot of fluid to protect my kidneys, so I will gain fluid weight and that is going to make me feel bad just carrying around the extra fluid. 

3) I will get a TON of anti-nausea meds.  They will make me constipated.  Yeah! So I get to take a lot of stool softener.  

4) Belo will affect my lungs

5) Cysplatinum will affect my kidneys 

6) VP-16 is the bad drug were taking, will drop my white count, can make me anemic, will cause my hair to fall out and has the most long term risks.  

7) Friday of next week is when I will start feeling the worst and that will carry on for about 5 days.  

8) I am going to be at most risk of infection days 7 -14 so STAY AWAY!  And try to stay out of the ED.  

9) By day 21 I should start feeling normal again.  

10) Humor and Positivity are my best friends, so bring it on!

I also learned that I can take someone with me to be in the infusion center each day.  This is a new discovery for me today.  So now I get to think through all of that.  But for the rest of you, you can visit me through the front door or through the window at the infusion center.  But in two days we will start and in 23 days we are done with the last infusion.  So here we go! 

Loving People for Whom They Are

 Well today went.  I survive it, I only cried twice.  Yeah Me!  I got my hair cut short, had a Pulmonary Function Test, a Chest X-Ray and a PICC Line placement. 

As I have gone through everything these past several weeks I have read about how people have struggled with the changes to their body.  How becoming a Cancer Patient, Cancer Fighter and Cancer Survivor has somehow changed who they are as a person. 

I for one am not worried about any of this.  I can still remember telling Terah, "It is just hair".  Well I get it now, it is more than just hair.  It is a part of you and a visible reminder of where you are in your journey.  There is a large chance that in two weeks I will be sporting a nice bald head or at least a patchy one.  I am not too worried about it.  I will not let a diagnosis or a treatment plan define who I am.  It will be just a part of me, just like all the other experiences in life are a part of me.  It has lead me to think about our society and how much we as people have gotten away from just being people.  Or at least my definition of people.  I use to tell those I was working with that we have to "Just Love them for whom they are."  We got to meet them where they are at.  For me I am confident that we have stopped learning who people are.  We dont take the opportunity to really connect with people.  We pick out potential dates through apps, where we make our entire decision based on what someone looks like.  We communicate through social media, which is my opinion is far from social.  We use letters on a telephone over the numbers.  

Covid has not made this any easier, now we work from home and get little social interaction with co-workers.  It just keeps getting better and better.  We use technology to help bridge the gap, but let's be honest, how rewarding is it to connect with another human being?  I think when you have the ability to make that true connection with someone it is rewarding.  

Personal connections have little to do with your appearance, and are not always romantic in nature.  So for those who worry about all the details and how people will respond, don't worry about it.  When you choose to show love towards someone regardless of who they are as a person, then others will also love you for who you are.  At the end of the day we are all people, we look different, love different and live different, but at our core we are people.  So remember that!  Love before you hate!  Think before you react!  Seek first to understand.  Take time to listen.  

Cancer Ain't Cheep

Let's talk about the name of the blog today.  There is a lot going on with the progress of treatment and everything leading up to it but I think it is fair to talk about where "The Money Medic" comes from.  

I am a Paramedic by trade, you already know that, but I also have a passion for Accounting and Finance, so put it all together and there you go.  

I grew up poor, and I knew it because I was reminded often that we were poor.  Everyone's definition of poor is different.  Now we had Food, Water and Shelter.  So our basic needs were met.  I can remember back to school meant new Jeans and New Shoes.  It was my favorite time of the year.  I got to spend most of the day with my Grandmother, who I love more than anything.  We would spend the whole day driving over Rowan County looking for the perfect pair of shoes.  I knew I only got one pair a year and I could not wait to show them off on the first day of school.  

We would go to the Mall and to other shoe stores across town and spend all day trying on shoes and trying to find the right pair.  Most often we would go to the Show Show and I would find the pair I wanted, but I could never just make my decision that easily.  So we would go to Pay Less and Hibbett Sport.  Honestly I think my whole hold up was I never wanted to spend that much money on them.  I knew that money didn't come easy and I was not accustomed to someone spending $50 on me.  So I would keep looking for a better deal.  And the affection and love of being willing to drive all over town to end where we started was just the best.  It was a happy time for me and I loved it.  We even got to go to Chic-Fil-A for a chicken sandwich, and that was a real treat for me.  At some point during the day we would go to Belk's or JC Pennys and buy we a pair of Levi's, Husky to be exact.  I wish life were that simple now.  

One thing that my Grandmother taught me was to always be frugal with your money.  And to always pay yourself.  I have continued to live by this.  Except for about 5 years as I started college I have been very financially responsible.  I have always paid myself each paycheck and can only remember a couple points in life where I has stress waiting for the next paycheck.  I don't say all of this to brag or to boast but to highlight that the saying I heard my entire childhood is 100% accurate.  It is not about how much money you make it is about how much you spend.  Money never bought happiness and is a valuable resource that you have to be responsible with.  

So let's face it Cancer isn't cheep.  It comes with a lot of expense.  I have been to a doctor weekly, even twice a week since mid-July.  I have had Ultrasounds, Labs, Medications, CT Scans, X-Rays, Surgery, MRIs, PFTs, A PICC, Fertility Clinic Visits, and soon to be Chemo.  This all will be followed by Quarterly Doctor's Visits, Labs and Bi-Annual CT Scans to ensure that this does not come back and try to kill me.  So for the next 5 years healthcare is going to be a massive expense in my life.  

I am blessed that I have a wonderful employer with a wonderful benefits package. It is not lost with me how much of a blessing that is.  This limits my annual expense for Healthcare at $4,000 a year, of which I will get to spend each year at minimum.  I could not imagine where I would be without this blessing.  That being said I do believe that everyone should have access to quality affordable health plans.  I feel that everyone should have to pay for health insurance to their ability.  Growing up the way I did, I quickly have learned how having bought something for myself I treat it differently.  When something is just given to me I tend to not have the same respect for it as if I purchased it.  So the same goes for healthcare, if everyone pays in we will respect it better.  My belief is that is only needs to be affordable.  The level of affordability varies by person to person.  

In addition to the expense of it all there is the lost incomes that will and have already occured.  I will end up losing about 1 paycheck this year from my Full Time employer and 50% of the income I generally get from my Part Time job as a Paramedic.  So the income is affected and the expenses increase.  

I believe that too many people think it will never happen to me so I don't need to worry.  Well folks I never thought I would have Cancer.  Now, I am additionally blessed that this Cancer is highly curable and my prognosis is positive and well.  I have such a small chance of things not working out that my risk of other forms of disease are higher.  At least this is how I am choosing to view it.  So we can not go through life with the worry of what it, but we should have a game plan for the what ifs.  

I am a huge fan of Dave Ramsey.  The principles that he shares with others are solid financial principles and can eliminate a lot of stress from life.  Because I made the conscious decision to live like no one else now, I can live like no one else now.  With everything going on in my life I have not had to worry about missing work and losing my income.  This again has nothing to do with how much money you make, but how much you spend.  I made a very hard decision to create enough savings for myself to be able to withstand 3 months of loss incomes.  This took me YEARS to accomplish.  It started with getting out of debt which in itself changes EVERYTHING.  When you do not have the burden of paying others for things, saving for the raining day is easy.  Grandma always said "if you can not pay for it you do not need it."  And it is so true.    

So I kept my debt low and worked hard to get rid of it.  This was possible by living on a budget and living within my means.  I put every dollar to work and kept my eye on the finish line.  I found a buddy who was going through the same process and made it a competition.  I have always wanted to have a bigger nicer house, but I do not need it so I keep what I have.  Needs and wants are different and the sooner we can recognize them the better off we will be.  

We never know what is around the corner, and let's face it 2020 is a dumpster fire so who knows what will happen this month.  Whatever it will be, will be just that.  We will have little ability to change it.  But what we know is that we can prepare for it.  Because I have prepared for this I do not have the added pressure or stress of how to pay for this. 

I encourage anyone who is wanting to gain more wealth and might be struggling I am happy to take the time to walk you through the process I did to get where I am at.  It is hard work and take a lot of dedication and focus.  

I have thought through this process that I think I want to do something to give back to others who are going through this.  I am going to pay close attention to the organizations who are helping me throughout this journey and ask my friends to come together to make a donation to them in my honor.  So do not be surprised when I make the request.  

Tomorrow is a BIG day for me, I have test most of the day and get the PICC line placed, which I am not looking forward to but I will soon be grateful for.  A PICC is a Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter for those of you wondering.   

The Magic Cocktail

I got the opportunity today to talk to someone else in the area who has been through this.  It was an okay conversation, not what I wanted to hear but it was what it was.  He had a similar almost exact diagnosis as I did.  His was 7 years ago.  He opted to have the surgery as a preventative measure, which no one has really recommended for me.  He also did not have positive tumor markers and a clean CT, but when they did the surgery they found the cancer had already spread.  It is a fairly aggressive surgery in my book and really do not want to do it unless it is necessary.  Anyway he said the Chemo was rough and he would rather go through the surgery again that do the chemo.  NOT what I wanted to hear but everyone is different.  What I have learned is how rare it is.  The Urological Oncologist Navigator said it is hard to find others to talk to because it really doesn't happen that much. Go figure.  

So what is the plan?  I will go Monday - Friday of next week for 5 - 8 hours per day.  I will be getting three total drugs.  I then go back the following 2 Mondays for just the bleomycin. 

BEP is used to treat testicular cancer and a rare type of ovarian cancer called a germ cell tumour. It is best to read this information with our general information about chemotherapy and the type of cancer you have.

Your doctor will talk to you about this treatment and its possible side effects before you agree (consent) to have treatment. 

BEP comes from the initials of the drugs used:

• B – bleomycin
• E – etoposide
• P – cisplatin (platinum)

I am ready to get er done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!